


Not Enough

by jazzfic



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-03
Updated: 2011-01-03
Packaged: 2017-10-14 08:56:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/147568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazzfic/pseuds/jazzfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a girl, she would climb from her window and run away unseen, the house far behind her, dirt beneath her feet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Enough

As a girl, she would climb from her window and run away unseen, the house far behind her, dirt beneath her feet. There are days when she longs to be able to do it again. Forget dropping four stories to a busy road--she'll take a leap instead, and to hell with the fallout.

Instead, she pulls the shutter, heaves at the glass until it slams open with an angry scrape. Cold air blows in, blows at her face, but still she doesn't feel it.

Penny sits in the dark bedroom, watching the cars drive by. Disembodied red circles, distorted by movement; people going places, coming home again after a long day. The last thought squeezes at her chest. She wraps her arms around herself.

A knock comes from the other room. No, nine of them.

He doesn't say anything when she pulls back the latch. She imagines her name repeated like a broken tape in his head, _Penny, Penny, Penny_ , and wonders, does he have an image of her somewhere in there too?

"I'm very, very sorry," Sheldon says.

The hallway is too bright, it's hard to make out his face properly, so she pulls him in, shuts the door and leans against it. He doesn't leave her side; he's all hesitation, as if the wheels are turning over thoughts like _we're in the dark, you're shivering, I don't know what to say, Penny,_

 _did you love your father?_

Or maybe it's only her.

"I have to go home," she murmurs. "I have to--Sheldon." And she stops because there's cotton against her cheek, flannelette, smelling of the laundry room and something that reminds her of opening an old box and finding comics that have gone yellow with age. She breathes in and places her hands where she can find warmth, a body that isn't hers. It's awkward; they're at the wrong angle, and it's too dark. There's too much of everything. There's not enough of this.

"Your window's open, Penny."

A half-second before he speaks, she can feel the words.

"Yes, it is."

"It's too cold."

She knows what he wants to do is scurry into her bedroom and close off the air, the noise, all the floating red lights. The compulsive urge, too entrenched to shift. But he doesn't move. He lets her close her eyes, he places a hand to her head, and she wonders if that fall might have been her last.


End file.
